Ohana Means Family

Hey y’all!

It’s hard to believe that exactly a week ago we were in the middle of a ten hour shoot day on the island of Kauai, HI. I am not certain I have recovered physically, mentally, or emotionally from that experience just yet, but it was pretty magical for a number of reasons. I’m continuously pinching myself that I am the fortunate one who gets to tell these stories. It is truly humbling and as I have said, and will continue to say, I only hope to do them justice as they deserve.

The morning of our shoot I was up early, around 4:30a with what I could only discern as nerves. I’m not entirely certain what the acute cause was as I hadn’t felt those twists of my stomach since before the very first day we rolled cameras in Pittsburgh. Maybe it was because it had been months since we last filmed, or that I was using a new camera operator, or that it was the first shoot since deciding to alter the scope of the project and I had to start thinking episodically. Maybe it was just lack of sleep and too much coffee. Whatever it was, I texted my wife who was four hours ahead and awake and she did what she is so good at - reminding me that my stress isn’t helpful to anyone, especially myself. She reminded me to stop for a second and be in the moment. She said, 

“Think about it, you are in Hawaii with amazing people working on a project you love telling important stories. Don’t forget to stop, look around, and breathe that in.”

I was immeasurably thankful for her wisdom and ability to verbally shake me in that moment. I was able to truly be present for the day and I am so glad that I was because what I got to witness was nothing short of moving. 

A huge topic of discussion throughout our series is that of found family - the bond of a group that has no blood relation but are chosen and therefore oftentimes better understood and accepted. Unfortunately, within the LGBTQ+ community many individuals have found themselves rejected by their families, disowned, and often kicked out of their homes. For most the only sense of family they find are with those they meet throughout their lives whether they share the same experience or are simply just accepted for who they are.

It’s disheartening how many of these stories exist. Not that having a found family is disheartening, on the contrary found families are amazing, but that there are so many people who are disowned by their parents and other family members. Walking into our subject Annie’s home was anything but disheartening.

Annie’s family welcomed us with open arms and hearts and doors. We were introduced to parents and siblings and nieces and nephews, cats and dogs. We were even introduced to favorite servers and bartenders at almost every meal. We were cooked for, driven around, and housed. We were taken care of like family and from day one I knew we were in for something special. And we were.

The first time I met Annie’s mother in Toronto back in August 2022 she promised me there was absolutely no way I would get her to talk on camera. Annie was also pretty sure it would never happen. After spending a day and a half with us, however, I could sense a possible shift in mom’s resolve. By the time we got to Annie’s sister’s home, our second location of the day, and her mom brought me three different pokes (because she knew I loved fish) I had a feeling she’d agree. I was not wrong. She was on board as long as she could be interviewed longside Annie and the daughter whose house we were at. I told her I wouldn’t have it any other way. Within minutes we had mics on them and on a couch by the pool.

If I told you I almost lost myself in this interview I wouldn’t be lying. Sitting there, listening to Annie talk about how supportive her family has been throughout her life and her journey of becoming more and more confident and understanding of herself was refreshing. Her sister explaining what it’s been like to watch Annie “find her tribe” through different shows and the LGBTQ+ community was joyous. Annie’s mom explaining how she will never understand how anyone let alone a parent could disown their child was impassioned. There was a moment where tears fell and pause was taken due to the gratitude Annie had for how wonderful her family has been and how she just wants to bring those she meets who have experienced the opposite home to her mom so they can know what it feels like to have that sort of love. 

Annie and her family are practicing Buddists. When asked, Annie’s mom attributes her support and unconditional love to the compassion their religion teaches them. It didn’t go unnoticed and really made me think. Compassion. It’s not a new concept but why is it such a difficult one for people to grasp? Where is compassion lost or is it something for some that is never taught? Can it be learned? I’ve been sitting with this for the last week and I’ve got to say, I am a bit dumbfounded. If I’m honest, I think we as a people have been asking where compassion has gone for some time now. It really seems that  we humans have a good amount of work to do on ourselves as individuals to better ourselves as a group. 

We can’t leave it up to one mom here and one sibling there. It is all of our jobs and I am so thankful I was reminded of that, with awe.